I got home ready tonight to get that post into shape - but it doesn't matter
Craig has posted something about me that doesn't make sense
It's great that Craig can drink and then stop
It's fine that Harry can espouse in the comments about a higher purpose or whichever deity he wishes
It's not me
Thursday was a bad day - I set out to Gloucester - got half way to the train station and realised I didn't have the router I needed. I'd left it at home.
It was a stupid mistake - but it hit home hard - I switched my phone off and went to the pub.
I had 3 pints and then went to poker - another 3 cans of stella
Not great - but could have been far worse - a blip
but i felt that I had let myself and you lot down. It's an odd feeling - one that I'm going to have to get use to - i guess.
To Craig - addiction is a reality - I'm happy that you don't get it
To Dolly - a normal 9-5 job is something I actually aspire to - but give me sometime
To Allan - I hear you mate - but your sleep deprevation will lead you to so much happiness (that I sometimes envy)
Since we last spoke - I've drank about 8 pints - this is still less than my old consumption - the uppers (the happy pills) need reigning in a bit still.
I'm working on it - but please people - don't judge me from a lofty position - if I still have one thing in me (which I will take to the grave) - it is the fact that I am still my own man - dealing with it from my own perspective. I enjoy reading your opinions - but don't expect me to agree everytime.
Now if any of you have some time on your hands - give Tim a helping hand. I already have.
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Keep yourself busy as much as you can. Tire yourself out, join a gym, go for a run, start doing press ups, anything that will get the blood pumping and that will create those all important natural endorphins. It's not for everyone but being busy physically helped me stop smoking cigarettes, helped me stop smoking world class amounts of cannabis and helped me push aside the need for coke.
ReplyDeleteI'm still a grumpy temperamental old git (34 this year), I still get the hunger for a bag of this or a line of that, but I always will. It's what happens when you are addicted to something.
Nothing is unbeatable. Anything can be conquered.
Glad you made comment on those that ask you to turn to something higher and also to those that have mis-read it all and suggested that addiction doesn't exist.
ReplyDeleteYou'll meet some tits on this journey, take the path you need to because it is you going through it. Those that have never been addicted can never speak truthfully of addiction.
I've been on a painful journey of my own.
Speaking of finding a higher purpose, that's the main trouble with a lot of alcohol addiction programs, the need for a God-judge to do it all for.
One from none comrade.
@Daniel - The 'tits' are as important as the supporters - I don't always want to revel in how good I've been but I reserve the right to say they are talking total crap. I have no higher purpose - I have friends and family who don't want me dead - that is good enough for me.
ReplyDelete@Alan - My fag addiction came up today - I only smoke once I've had a drink - and then the flood gates are opened. I had an addiction to speed in the early 90's (that's an ey opener for some family members - or not) - i went cold on it and have never touched it since - coke I've taken but never bought so no chance there. Went off pills when they became heroin laden and never really got on with then on the *special* occasions that I took them. Went off Cannabis 12 months ago when you could pay silly money for good resin or normal money for Skunk - which is basically a tranquiliser. I am fairly well rounded when it comes to drug intake except for alcohol - that is where the battle ground lies.